We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
