You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
