Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
