im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
