Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
