people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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