We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
NoShamevember. You game?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
