I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
