you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
