So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
