we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Congratulations! We have a period
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