You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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