4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
