Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The best revenge is premature balding
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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