also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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