He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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