all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
