My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
