I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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