Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize