In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She bit a glass in half.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
