My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Randomize
