That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
