I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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