apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
