I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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