This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You pole danced in your parka.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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