I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
