The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You were trust falling into bushes
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
