My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
