She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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