Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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