so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Randomize
