I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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