He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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