I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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