that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
