we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
