He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
