Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
