I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I am midnight drunk by noon
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
