I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
