How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
