dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
please don't ironically join a cult
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