I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
