So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
