I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
