Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
