I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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