I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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