508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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