Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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