***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
