I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
