Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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