You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize