Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
