I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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