i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
