I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
