Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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