You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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