you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
