I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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