I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize