It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
