Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
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