His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
