Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
