dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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