Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
