as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
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