Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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