I am spending my child support on dildos
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize