I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize