I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
