there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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